I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
