just come out here and I will go home with you...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize