so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He better not be in your backpack
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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