I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
