where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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