Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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