pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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