it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
