Four minutes until I can fart!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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