jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
