please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits