SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why are your pants in the freezer?