It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked