I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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