I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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