My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize