I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
