Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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