He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
