he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
