It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
