OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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