There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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