i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We are two peas in an std pod
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just puked most of my soul out..
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