im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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