I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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