i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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