I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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