What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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