youre lurking in front of me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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