just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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