i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
