my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
