I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
