White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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