I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
