super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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