i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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