i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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