Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
be right there i have to get my cape
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
