I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
