i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
