All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
