You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
