sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
