bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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