he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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