North Korea, Best Korea!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
