Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
