How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
