The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
