i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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