My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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