you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
