Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
