On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
