You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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