I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
