I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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