roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.