worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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