Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night