today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
