Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.