I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Randomize
