hotel room ftw
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
