i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
