Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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