we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
