Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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